Ayisha Qureshi

I strongly feel that human mind and body is made for work; that when you sit idle, then both the body and the mind suffer and deteriorate. I also believe that you must exercise and eat healthy to take care of the body even in the absence of illness; similarly you must take care of the mind to stay mentally and emotionally stable and fit to ward off unnecessary anxiety, stress and ultimately depression.

Although there are no general rules that apply to everyone uniformly, there are some things that, if kept in mind, can help us fight depression, and generally stay sane. Here are a few that I feel make sense, are easy to follow and make us more resilient:

1. Whenever faced with a problem, I decide 2 things: Is this a problem or a fact? This is extremely important to understand and differentiate between them. See, with a problem, the next step is looking for a solution. But you will be fighting a never ending battle, going around in circles and generally wasting a lot of energy if you mistake a fact for a problem. For example, a ‘person is no longer your friend’ is a fact but if you are having problems in a relationship means you need to work on it. These are two completely different aspects. If you mix the two, you may actually spend a lot of time and energy trying to fix a problem that is no longer a problem but a fact that you need to accept! If it is a problem, then there is definitely a solution! I believe recognising the problem is half the solution and that you must always try to be part of the solution. Now focus on the solution, whatever it may be. If it’s a fact, then you need to accept it. Whether you accept it or resist it will then determine the extent of your misery.
2. Every day we must come across issues and concerns and what we might call problems. Understand that where there is life, there are issues and problems. It is only after death that they go away. Take them as a sign of life.
3. Be very careful what you label as a problem. Your reaction to whatever happens in your life will determine how big that thing will become. It is your reaction to it that will give it presence and power. Be very careful what you give power to…it will grow in your life. And the only way to give anything power is by thinking about it incessantly and over analysing it.
4. Most of the issues in your life might go away (except, of course, disease) if you surrender. Now surrender is a funny word. It might convey weakness but, in fact, it takes a lot of strength. To surrender to something means to accept it, without complaining and whining. And end the torture that you inflict on yourself. Of course, what you must surrender to must be decided very carefully. For example, traffic is a constant hassle. Pick the best route possible, keep yourself updated, and even then if there is a jam, then sit back, find your favourite radio channel or song and while the time away. Don’t curse, and sulk. It’s not going to help.
5. Remember, relationships work in balance. If you are constantly getting less than what you are investing in a relationship, you need to rethink why you are in it.
6. Frequently evaluate people that you spend time with. They should be making you happier. If they are not, and are in fact the reason you are upset most of the time, then rethink spending time with them.
7. No matter what you do, find a hobby. Something that you do just because you enjoy it and no other reason. Preferably, something to do with the hands, like gardening, putting together a scrap book or cooking. It will heal you and revitalise you on a daily basis.
8. Live in the NOW (I have already talked about it in one of the earlier posts)- not in the past or the future.
9. When you fret about something that you want, think about it- is it something you need or something you want? Then decide if you will still get it. Even if it is something that you want and not need, and you get it, then do so without regrets and guilt.
10. Whatever bad happens in your life (again be very careful what you label as bad, it might not be that bad after all), will pass. So remember: THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

My take on this whole topic is simple, especially if you want to stay sane. Just remember whatever good or bad happens in your life is just a part of the WHOLE of your life. It is NOT the whole of your life. Nothing ever can be. Life is made of lots of parts. And so put things in perspective, take a deep breath and stand tall. Look life in the eye and tell it to give you its test and its best.

What will not kill you will make you stronger- just decide that it will. And if still, at the end of the day, it becomes over whelming, then ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. You will be OK.